I have more energy and I get way more done. There actually a lot of nice things about it.. you feel like your working at at least 90% but you also know thay your nor always like that.
Anywho, when I was 16-17 ish I can remember going into my family doctor office and asking to be assisted because I swore that I was. Now let me tell you trying to convince someone your "crazy" with out making your self feel bat shit crazy is hard. No one wants to be like oh im crazy. no one. so ya I bet almost no ones self evaluation is convincing.
The doctor said it wasn't and that was that. At that time all I noticed about my self and researched was about anger and irritability and what could make those worse. It wasn't untill recently that I even learned what manic was.
If you have been a subscriber for a while you know all of last year I didn't make videos and if I did it was me trying to figure out what was going on with me. I was severally depressed. It didn't effect work and more people wouldn't notice but behind the scenes it was bad. I had litterally no energy. I couldn't make my self get up to do anything even having a shower i aws physically drained by the end. On days that I didn't work and the girls went to school i would just sleep the day away. During that year my anixety also had a toll on me, it was the worst it had ever been before.
I started antidepressents antianxiety meds and I honestly felt great. I had energy I was happy I was finally in healthy relationships. but during the med tweaking I became very manic.. I had all these racing thought, I couldn't focus on tv, I was annoying my self by talking to much and I had all these great ideas that I normally wouldn't have had. Thanfully because I do google alot( about just about everything) I knew that there was risks if you were undiagonsed bipolar they could send you into astate of manic... now I have never been manic just hypo manic (form 2 of bipolar, the mild bipolar) so thank fully it didn't make me do anything to crazy.
Being diagnosed was honestly a weight lifted off my shoulder. Over the years I have been able to controll my self alot more then I had ever before. I know what im being to extreme, im not afraid to admit when im wrong and I usually ask a friend for their advice iv im not sure if its just me or not.
When I first went to the doctors I was cycleing. I vividly remeber feeling high and very low in the same day LOTS of the time. That was so long ago that I don't know how long it went on for but I do remember feeling like try not to get to excited because you will crash.
The big stigma of bipolar, the irritability part. Yes, clearly I also have that and I am very proud to say that in the last 10 years i have been able to control my self much better with out the use of medication. I truly believe that my children are what has calmed me down naturally. My irritability thankfully has never really effected my jobs and most certainly never gotten me let go. The reason I am most excited to know that this is what is going on in side of me is because with these medications I know I will be in controll and be able to have healthy relationships. It suck when you are getting annoyed and snappy with your partner and you can actually feel your self BESIDE YOUR SELF being like woaaaahhhhhh what are you doing. and god damn do i ever hate the expression " its walking on egg shells with you".
Anyways I just wanted to share my store because the stigma needs to end. I cant speak for bipolar 1 but bipolar 2 is really not that bad. I don't wish I had it and i dont wish it apon anyone but it shouldn't stop you from trying to live the most possible life you can. And it shouldn't make you instantly think oh fuck so that means your a raging bitch. I like to think im a pretty happy person and I do have morals, that might also have alot to do with it.. that I don't want to be miserable or have people hate me.
The next time you hear bi polar just remember it isn't all bad